Use the first mentoring meeting to agree what you want to work on, what support is realistic and how the relationship will operate. Leave with one learning goal, one action and a date to review whether the arrangement is useful for both people.
Three things to take with you.
- Discuss the relationship before asking for all the answers.
- Keep a specific learning goal and review it together.
- Agree boundaries, contact preferences and how to end or change the arrangement.
Bring one meaningful goal
“I would like career advice” is a beginning, but it leaves the mentor guessing. Describe a decision or situation you want to navigate: moving into a new responsibility, understanding a field or becoming more confident in a particular conversation.
Separate the goal from the outcome you cannot control. A mentor can help you prepare for a difficult meeting; they cannot promise a promotion or influence every decision made about you. Ask for perspective and challenge, not a guaranteed result.
Make the expectations explicit
The National Academies’ mentorship guidance discusses working agreements and development plans as ways to clarify expectations and learning goals. Its context is STEMM education; this SOA template adapts that general principle to a professional conversation, without claiming equivalent outcomes.
Discuss what each person can offer, how often you will meet and what preparation is useful. Expectations can change, so agree to revisit them rather than treating the first meeting as a permanent contract.
Source context: National Academies — The Science of Effective Mentorship in STEMM: Tools and Resources
A simple first-meeting structure
| Conversation | Questions to ask | What to leave with |
|---|---|---|
| Context | What are you working towards? What matters now? | One shared understanding of the goal |
| Support | Would questions, feedback or examples help most? | A realistic role for the mentor |
| Boundaries | What stays private? What is outside our remit? | Explicit limits and contact preferences |
| Action | What will you try before we meet again? | One action and a review date |
Let the mentee own the action
The mentor does not need to arrive with a solution. They can help the mentee distinguish facts from assumptions, consider alternatives and see a decision from another perspective. The mentee should decide which advice fits their circumstances.
End with a manageable action, not a complete career reinvention. For example, prepare three questions for a stakeholder conversation or document what made a recent decision difficult. At the next meeting, discuss what happened and what the experience changed.
Write a short working agreement
A few shared notes are enough to reduce avoidable confusion. Include the goal, availability, preparation, boundaries and a way to raise concerns. Be explicit about whether introductions are possible; access to a mentor’s network should never be assumed.
If the relationship is not useful or feels uncomfortable, discuss an adjustment or a respectful ending. Where a programme has a coordinator, use its support route. Mentoring complements—but does not replace—professional, organisational or specialist support where that is needed.
- What we are working on and what is outside scope.
- How often we meet and how we reschedule.
- How we handle confidential information and introductions.
- When we review fit and how either person can pause.
Mentoring working agreement
A conversation aid, not a contract or promise of career outcomes. Download an editable text worksheet—no email required.
Download worksheet (.txt) ↓Opens in any text editor. You can also print this guide.A little more clarity.
What should a mentee prepare?
Bring a short context note, one specific goal, questions and an example you can discuss appropriately. Leave room for the goal to evolve.
Does mentoring need to continue indefinitely?
No. Agree a review point and renew, change or finish the arrangement based on its usefulness and each person’s capacity.
Sources & editorial notes
This resource combines cited source context with practical editorial guidance from Stories of Asia. Examples and suggested actions are not claims of measured client outcomes.
- National Academies — The Science of Effective Mentorship in STEMM: Tools and Resources ↗
Evidence context is STEMM education. The workplace worksheet is an SOA adaptation.
Published by Stories of Asia. How we work with sources and corrections ↗
Growth happens between people.
Explore the mentoring and community side of Stories of Asia.
Meet the SOA community ↗